


The Freedom You Stole

by UchihanoChidori



Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga), No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: Desire, Drama, M/M, Platonic Romance, Romance, Soul Bond, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 09:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5158082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchihanoChidori/pseuds/UchihanoChidori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Nezumi's vow, Shion finds the strength to keep moving forward and relentlessly work on building a new world. Shion has faith that they will reunite, so all he can do is wait for the day to come when he will see Nezumi again and give him all the right reasons to stay. Nezumi/Shion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eternal Vow

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I just had to give No.6 a try! To those of you who already know my work, I hope you guys like it! And to those of you who have stumbled upon my fics because it’s No.6 and don’t know me… well, welcome, and I hope you enjoy my writing!  
> This fic was written based on the novels, so there are a few things here and there that might be confusing to you if you have only watched the anime. I just needed my own personal closure for these two ;)
> 
> This is part I of this fic, the second one will be released shortly. I’m not sure if It’ll be a two part fic or three part fic, we’ll see ;)
> 
> Not betaed. Don’t hesitate to point out possible typos or even plot incongruences if you find any.

** The Freedom You Stole **

 

**Part I: Eternal Vow**

 

Karan closed the large oven door with a content sigh before wiping her forehead delicately with her wrist. It was the sixth batch of muffins she had baked that day, and it was only slightly past lunchtime.

Her bakery’s popularity surely had escalated in the last few years, so much so that she had come to a point where she hadn't been able to handle it all by herself. Lili was now older but still as eager to help as always. However, she was still underage and had to attend school, but Karan hadn’t hesitated in hiring her mother, her lovely friend Renka to work beside her – someone whom she could trust, and someone who, now more than ever, needed work.

The fall of their former utopian city of No.6, had left Renka without a husband and with two children to take care of. Well, the youngest one hadn’t yet been born back then, but the situation had still looked dire.

But,  things were a lot better now, and the natural balance of the world had returned. No.6 wasn’t the same place anymore. It had taken a while for the social damage to be fixed and for the city to get back on the right track without the useless hierarchical rules and demands. Thanks to Shion’s intervention and active work on this new city, everything was changing, heading more towards what it used to be before that false ‘perfection’ that had existed.

Technologically, useful things remained, but people lived in equality, and more importantly, they were free. Free to feel, free to speak, free to be how and who they wanted to be. They had equal rights regardless of social status, and the city was no longer divided by areas. It was truly becoming a place where people felt at home and at peace.

On the day of the fall, her beloved son, Shion, had appeared in front of her and it had been one of the happiest of her life. Shion had looked exhausted, thin, bruised and bloody, his clothes completely torn apart, but he was alive and healthy, and he had come home, to her.

He had looked obviously happy to see her, but there was devastation in his features, something that wasn’t exactly sadness, because there was an odd determination in him, then.

That determination still shone today. It pushed at Karan’s will to live as happily as possible beside the son she had almost lost.

Shion; her beautiful boy, with his new glowing snowy hair – a proof that Shion had held on to his life and refused to give in. It, too, was beautiful.

How much he had changed in the months they had been apart, yet, those changes had definitely been for the best. There was a light radiating from Shion that Karan had never seen before, and his eyes, instead of being dull and lost, now carried the life of knowledge, perseverance and, most of all, an unfaltering curiosity.

Yes, Shion had grown up. Yes, those eyes were now firmly focused on the future, relentless and strong. But, those same eyes, just like before, once in a while, had that same distant look of endless longing. Only now, it was also filled with hope.

Karan knew his heart well by now. She knew what – or rather, who – still gave him hope.

The person she had held in her arms alongside with Shion on that fateful day. The single person who had been able to deliver hope to her in days when everything had seemed lost.

The person Shion had once given up on everything for, and the one who saved him in return. She would never have enough words of gratitude to offer him, and not enough gestures of kindness to repay him. Not having Safu return had been heart-breaking, but seeing Nezumi had brought her the kind of joy that would never be erased. She was glad that she had been able to meet him.

The kind of person Nezumi was… Karan had no words to describe him. He certainly was… interesting. Handsome. No _, beautiful_ was definitely a better word. Smart. Mysterious. So much more, as well. She understood why Shion had longed to see him again after all those years, and why, even to this day, he never seemed to had regrets over having extended his hand out to him when they had been younger. Karan herself had never felt resentment towards her son’s actions back then, even if had stripped them off their privileges.

Some things, she began to understand, happened for a reason. Good things, bad things… they all had a purpose that would be unveiled sooner or later. And Nezumi’s and Shion’s fates had somehow been intertwined for a long time.

She had spoken a lot with Nezumi, but definitely not enough. She had felt like there was so much more she wanted to know, but knew it wasn’t in her right to ask. That boy, though, had taken care of her son; he had brought him back, healthy, strong, and more importantly, alive. Shion’s soul and his heart were unmistakably alive. And it had all been thanks to Nezumi’s.

That boy meant everything to Shion, it had been clear in the way he had looked at him, how he had spoken to him. And in spite of Nezumi’s aloof demeanour, considering all the things they had gone through together…

Nezumi had to care just as much.

But Nezumi hadn’t come to stay. Karan had felt terribly sad, but she understood that her sadness was no match against Shion’s. She had no idea what had happened when he went to see Nezumi off, but…

Shion’s determination had become as fierce as ever.

 _He made a promise to me,_ he had said. _I won’t be sad. We’ll meet again, for sure._

Like Karan herself, Shion struggled with words when Nezumi was mentioned, as if he didn’t know how to describe him or couldn’t find a suitable way to speak of him. Shion sometimes spoke about that room they used to live in the West Block – small, cosy and filled with wonderful books that had a dusty, leafy smell –, of the way too small bed they had shared. Of Nezumi’s delicious soup that had made him so happy. He sometimes recited a few lines of Shakespearean plays for Karan to hear, but those moments would sometimes be followed by a mournful silence.

The strain in his voice and the obvious longing in his eyes gripped at Karan’s heart. Oh, how desperately she wanted to know about those days when Shion had been away from her, but her son was always very vague.

Inukashi and Rikiga, though, sometimes liked to tell small tales of their daily adventures, but they didn’t speak a lot about Nezumi, or when they did, it was to badmouth him (but not without a tiny hidden fondness). They spoke of his voice and how well he sang. Karan hoped that he’d sing for her one day.

Life moved on and the world was still spinning for all of them. Shion himself kept his resolution unfaltering and worked as hard as he possibly could to make the city of No.6 a harmonious place. Karan had always known that he was an intelligent boy with great potential, and yet, clearly, he had been in a dormant state for most of his life, because this Shion, this man that was now one of the most important personalities of No.6, was not the same as that dull-eyed child that had left her side.

Nezumi had polished him up rather beautifully. Karan knew this in her heart even though no-one had told her so.

Five years had passed since the day Nezumi had left. However, regardless of how much Shion had progressed, regardless of how much he had grown and matured, his essence was still there, and he always kept his kindness intact. The things he went through in the West Block – he never forgot about them, and that helped him keep his humbleness in check.

Karan was pleased. No matter how well things were going, she never wanted to be trapped in the claws of greed and power, and neither did she wish for that to happen to Shion. Thankfully, neither did he. So, he struggled, day after day, always looking forward into the future with his heart firmly placed upon his hopes and dreams.

Karan would say that they were happy. It was no lie. However, Shion’s happiness wasn’t equal to hers, and this was something she had grown to accept. It had hurt at first, but at some point this feeling was replaced by a growing anxiety that had led her to want to do something, _anything_ to help him, to make him feel better.

It wasn’t something that he expressed, no. Like after he had saved Nezumi and they had moved to Lost Town, Shion was surrounded by this odd air of resignation and a gloominess that only those who knew him well were able to perceive. Only now, different from then, Shion hoped. Day in and day out. Wish after wish.

A part of her understood that Shion was suffering. This knowledge she had that he lived in constant silent despair, aching for something he couldn’t reach, was unbearable for her to cope with as a mother, but she had no other choice. It wasn’t her place to force him to feel differently, to live differently, especially when he clearly didn’t want to.

Shion was popular because he was kind, good-looking, influential, smart and caring. He still worked with her at the bakery shop once in a while, even. There was no doubt that he always kept himself busy. Girls wanted nothing more than to catch his attention, and he could’ve easily gotten himself a girlfriend already.

Karan smiled while making her way back to the front of the shop.

Shion had always been oblivious to these things, Karan would often think. Even towards Safu, who was someone he had always had by his side, and someone who had loved him deeply. Even though he had loved her, too, those feelings had never reached her the way she had wanted to. Karan had thought otherwise – she had genuinely believed that Safu would come back in one piece and that, someday, she and Shion would get married and be happy together. Now, she saw that, even if Safu was still with them, this would never happen.

Shion ached, desired and longed for that someone with every fiber of his being. His feelings burned with a fierce passion that pushed him forward in every step of his daily life.

Those feelings were frightening. Karan couldn’t even begin to comprehend them, but she had no choice but to be grateful for them because they kept Shion alive.

She understood that those same feelings were very volatile, and that they called out to him every minute of his existence.

That room in the West Block, filled with books and precious memories. That world that stretched out beyond No.6 – a world Shion was scared of, but fascinated by – and that man…

That beautiful, cunning man that had drifted away carrying Shion’s very soul with him. That man who had saved him, awakened him. That man who had the key to Shion’s happiness.

_Why… why don’t you come home, Nezumi? Don’t his feelings reach you at all?_

Five years. Nezumi still hadn’t returned. But Shion kept waiting, opening the window of his room, day after day, waiting for that mysterious runaway to leap inside, at last.

 _What is Nezumi like?_ Karan had dared to ask, once. Even if she had met the boy, she had wanted to hear Shion speaking of him, so she could empathise, so she could grasp what connected them beyond the obvious.

Shion had all but blushed before genuinely struggling with words and stumbling over them.

 _I don’t think any words I use will ever do him justice,_ he had said. _He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. He’s…_

Karan had enjoyed seeing the conflicting emotions on her son’s face, but didn’t feel compelled to tease him.

 _Like the wind,_ Shion had said, gently, ending the conversation with that simple statement.

But…

Beautiful. Fierce. Courageous. Implacable. Strong. Captivating.

Those and many more were the words she knew Shion wanted to use, but chose not to. She understood why, yet she smiled, sadly so.

_Do you understand, Nezumi? The extent of what you mean to him? How reckless and genuine his emotions flow for you?_

_Does it scare you?_

Karan thought so.

_But you made a promise to him, didn’t you? You have to keep it, Nezumi. Like you kept your promise to me._

Like Shion, Karan kept hoping, and praying. She prayed for Nezumi’s safety and for the day to come when he’d come home for them and she could bake wonderful things for him. She prayed for a time when Shion would smile and laugh every day. She hoped that they could be family, someday.

_No matter what you think, Nezumi. This home is waiting for you._

_So… please, come home, Nezumi._

000

Shion’s heart was pounding as he descended the familiar stairs to the set of underground living quarters. It had been years since he had last been there, but the secluded place was still marvellously hidden in spite of how much things had changed outside, and everything looked the same.

The West Block was no longer a dead place made for rejected people, but now possessed small houses and was better taken care of in spite of being a place still not nominated a part of No.6. Nevertheless, it resembled a small town now rather than a dumpster filled with poverty, and people here no longer lived struggling, even though it was still a big contrast to No.6 itself.

Things would change, with time, and worlds would meet, but it was still too soon for such different worlds to collide so forcefully, even though No.6 and the West block now held hands in all sorts of affairs and people came and went easily. Rikiga-san had actually been highly responsible for this.

Shion’s gloved hand trembled as he placed it over the doorknob. How he wished that Tsukiyo was here with him, cheeping his encouragement and eagerness in his ear. Sadly, the small mouse had passed away two years ago, but Shion still missed the little fellow. He wondered if the other two still travelled with Nezumi. He hoped they did.

Taking a deep breath, he turned the doorknob around and opened the door. He remembered the oil lamp on the ground next to the door and automatically picked it up, glad that it was still there. Fishing out a lighter from his pocket – that he had brought just in case – he lit the lamp, the small flame illuminating the previously room.

Shion almost dropped it. He had no idea what he had expected to see after so long, but he definitely hadn’t expected to find the place exactly the same as it had been on the day he and Nezumi had left for the correctional facility.

 _Everything_ looked as it had back then. The bed, perfectly made by Nezumi. The shelves of books, perfectly arranged as Shion had left it. The small camping stove. The sofa _. ‘Othello’_ , resting innocently over the centre table because Nezumi had been reading it the night before they had left.

_How can this be?_

With his breath stuck inside his lungs, Shion took a look around. Yes, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and even a bit of mould on the furniture, but that was to be expected.

Shion’s heart tightened with emotion.

 _Did Inukashi do this?_ He wondered. _Has he been coming here to make sure this place is well guarded?_

He was sure of it. Inukashi was that kind of person, surprisingly caring and thoughtful when you least expected him to.

In spite of himself, Shion smiled.

The air smelled strongly of humidity, and it was terribly cold inside. Still, Shion couldn’t help but feel surrounded by comfort. He could still recall the smell of Nezumi’s cooking, and the scent of the cheap soap that invaded the room when he left the shower. He imagined the three tiny mice, Tsukiyo, Hamlet and Cravat taking naps on the bed, or chirping happily as he read for them. He imagined Nezumi tying his hair in a pony-tail as Shion read and eyeing him with that intense but inscrutable expression. His eyes would narrow and then turn condescending. He would throw some sarcastic remark at him and they’d end up discussing the book in a well-mannered, yet heated argument because their views never matched.

How he had longed to return here. How he still longed for it, even today, even after having gone back to leading a comfortable life.

_This is where I want to be, Nezumi. This is all I pray for._

He placed the lamp down on the centre low table and sat down on the dusty couch. Pulling his gloves off and putting them aside, he reached out for the book and brushed the dust off the cover. The tip of a dry leaf peeked from the pages, indicating the place Nezumi had left off. Carefully, Shion opened the book in those pages and opened them there, revealing the leaf. Gently, he put it next to his gloves before starting reading out loud.

_I do not like the office;_

_But, sith I am enter'd in this cause so far,--_

_Prick'd to it by foolish honesty and love,--_

_I will go on. I lay with Cassio lately;_

_And, being troubled with a raging tooth,_

_I could not sleep._

_There are a kind of men so loose of soul,_

_That in their sleeps will mutter their affairs:_

_One of this kind is Cassio:_

_In sleep I heard him say, "Sweet Desdemona,_

_Let us be wary, let us hide our loves";_

_And then, sir, would he gripe and wring my hand,_

_Cry, "O sweet creature!" and then kiss me hard,_

_As if he pluck'd up kisses by the roots,_

_That grew upon my lips: then laid his leg_

_Over my thigh, and sigh'd and kiss'd; and then_

_Cried, "Cursed fate that gave thee to the Moor!"_

Shion closed his mouth, feeling his eyes sting. He wanted to curl in on himself and lay in that couch forever, holding to his chest that same book Nezumi had read time and time again. Yet, he simply closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths.

He could imagine these same lines being recited by Nezumi himself. What kind of voice would he use for this? How would his hands, always elegant and firm, gesticulate? Would he walk around the room as the words slipped easily from those thin, well-formed lips or would he stand in front of Shion and give him a face-to-face performance? Either way, Shion would be overwhelmed and enraptured.

He recalled those times far too often. Those memories were still far too vivid for him. Sometimes, he wondered if they would ever fade away, if time would slowly erase them until they were nothing but fragments of a past long gone. Sometimes, he wondered if these feelings would ever recede instead of growing. This hell that was his own memory was also his sanctuary, his lifeline. He didn’t want to lose hold of it if he could help it. Ever. Because without Nezumi, no matter what he did, he was still lost, wandering.

_I don't know what this is... I just long for you._

_Nezumi, I want to be here with you, again._

Shion heaved a trembling sigh and licked at his dry lips. Slowly, he closed the book, placing a hand over the cover and looked around. If this place was in such a good condition still, that had to mean something. It was almost as if their home was simply there, patiently waiting for them to return, just like Shion waited for Nezumi.

That room had a life of its own, and Shion didn’t intend to let it go to waste.

 _I should buy a proper lock_ , he considered. _To keep this place safe. Inukashi shouldn’t have to worry about it. I should do something for him in return._

Determined, Shion put the book aside and stood up. He wondered if their cleaning appliances were still in good condition – the place certainly needed a thorough scrubbing.

Shion decided that he’d come back to this room every few months. He wanted it to be ready and suitable to receive Nezumi when he came home.

Because he would. He definitely would. And Shion couldn’t wait for the day to come.

000

The sun was setting beautifully, and even though it was the middle of Autumn, from the top of that tall hill, an elegant set of grey eyes scrutinized the land down below. Nezumi couldn’t recognize the area where the West Block was supposed to be, because instead of wreckage, garbage and devastation, now he could see small, humble buildings and houses, a small public garden, and the now lively and huge market. There was even a semblance of a dusty road that seemed to connect No.6 to the West Block.

Most of the old, decaying buildings had been torn down, but Inukashi’s hotel still stood. It looked in better shape, though. A light curiosity invaded Nezumi’s chest as what had become of the young mutt.

It wasn’t as though Nezumi had expected things to be exactly as they had been before, but he certainly hadn’t expected so much to have changed in such a short amount of time.

A sense of both pride and uneasiness filled him, and he didn’t enjoy the conflicting emotions at all.

Shion had done it. He was still doing it, keeping his word and fighting for his ideals. Nezumi had good ears, and news travelled fast. He understood how things were right now.

_You really are an impressive, scary little fellow, aren’t you, Shion?_

A leader. That’s who Shion was. Calm, understanding, but ruthless and surprisingly level-headed when the situation called for it. With a smile and firm, persistent words that usually never tripped over themselves in dire situations, Shion had people wrapped around his finger. Nezumi wondered if he had finally begun to understand this – this power that raised him up and above other human beings.

With a frown, Nezumi made an annoyed clacking sound with his tongue. There he was, thinking of the idiot again.

Shion had only struggled with words around Nezumi, because they never seemed to see eye to eye. How many times had they had heated discussions about basically everything? Everything was a wonderful topic of discussion for Shion, always so fascinated by the things he didn’t know, always so interested in acquiring more knowledge. It was never ending. Their conversations were never boring, that was for sure.

Biting on his lower lip, Nezumi took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His chest felt tight.

 _How_ many times had Shion struggled with words around him? How many times had Nezumi purposefully drawn the line between them so as to not be acquainted with those thoughts Shion so wanted to offer him? Maybe not enough times. No, definitely not enough. Because, in the end, he had wanted to understand what was going through Shion’s mind. He had dug his own grave, and realized it too late.

Shion was… a person from the past. Nezumi tried to tell himself this, over and over again. There was no Shion now, and there would be no Shion in the future. They were two, very different people, with very different views of the world and very different goals. Nezumi didn’t belong to a city, or even to a world such as that one. Regardless of how clever and evolved he was considering his roots, a strong part of him kept struggling to break free, somehow, and fly high, always, forever. He belonged out there, somewhere, everywhere. The world, nature was his home.

He wanted so many things, and yet he couldn’t decide on one in particular. He had no sense of what ‘steady location’ meant.  

Did he long for something? He didn’t _like_ to think so.

Was he lonely? Once, he hadn’t been able to tell. When you’ve lived so long on your own, solitude is also a companion. Of course, Nezumi hadn’t forgotten about his family or the old Grandmother who had taken care of him. But when faced with the trials of the world, those feelings of longing had faded.

Until there was Shion.

Shion, who had been with him, beside him, keeping him warm during cold nights and giving him something to live for. Caring for another, worrying about another, taking care of them and making sure they lacked for nothing, having them under your wing… It was a burden, a daily goal. Every day, Nezumi had worried. Would they have food enough for two? Would Shion be cold if the temperatures dropped? Should they get him another sweater? Would they live to see another day? Would they survive?

They both had struggled in their own ways, and Shion had been surprisingly resilient and strong willed. Nezumi’s harshness had only fuelled his determination and he had reached his own strength because of it. He had grown. Nezumi had forced him to, and he wasn’t sorry at all.

Still, Nezumi’s heart had always felt heavy, burdened by those feelings of constant worry and longing, by even that small sigh of desire of getting home after a day’s work to see Shion’s face, share a small meal with him, see that idiotic smile and just… be home.

_Home, huh?_

That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. They were not partners. They shouldn’t get attached, otherwise, if something happened to the other, they both become useless.

But Shion had saved him. Not once, not twice, but many times, and in many different ways. He had saved Shion, too, and basically carved Shion’s path towards what he was on that same day, so one could say that they were even.

But… was there even such a thing? Could they really ever say that they were even? Could Nezumi ever truly say that the past was behind him?

When Shion had torn down his walls and showed him that things he thought were weakness could also bring an enormous strength? When he had turned his world upside down and forced him to think differently so many times?

When he had, undoubtedly, changed him, too?

No. Moving forward was the answer, but it would never change the past. Just like he had remained attached to his feelings of hatred towards No.6, so would those feelings for a life with Shion run after him no matter where he went. And this was bad. It was the scariest, most unbalancing thing Nezumi had ever faced.

There was nothing more frightening than knowing you have no control over yourself. And Shion…

Even now, Nezumi felt confused and overwhelmed. Why had he travelled all the way down here, to this land, after so long? Why, after he had regained some semblance of his old self as a being of the forest, did he gravitate towards this very place, only to feel these heavy, burdening things all over again?

Had time not changed anything at all? What was he expecting to accomplish here, anyway?

Nezumi opened his eyes and immediately searched for the expanse of land where their home used to be. Nothing seemed to be different there, everything was exactly as before. Did their room remain intact as well? Somehow, he liked to believe so. The flooding relief that washed over him annoyed him. The way this small flicker of hope warmed up his heart was frustrating.

He shouldn’t have come here. He didn’t need to feel this all-consuming yearning that took him out of his comfort zone. He didn’t need to feel this conflicted, this attracted towards something that he understood but didn’t want to give into. He was strong, but had no strength to deal with it.

Because of Shion, Nezumi had been all too aware of his fragility. And that was something he simply did not accept.

_I know I made a promise to reunite, Shion. But I…_

_I can’t be in front of you like this. Nothing will change. This is not how it’s supposed to be. I can’t do this to you. We have nothing to give to each other but pain._

Nezumi’s breath caught in his throat.

_‘Nezumi. Can’t I… can’t I go with you?’_

_‘I want to be by your side. I want you to be by my side. That’s all I wish for.’_

_‘Nezumi, the world means nothing to me without you. Nothing.’_

No. Shion couldn’t think like that. He shouldn’t. Such things were dangerous. People shouldn’t depend on other people like that. They shouldn’t depend on others to live, to move on. They should live for themselves, first and foremost. Find their paths, find what they wanted to fight for, to live for, to breathe for. To do it all for themselves and not because of others or for others.

_Shion, you already know so much more than I do. You understand this, don’t you? Because you are selfish and think so much about what you need, you are able to say such things so easily, so passionately. You are able to claim that I’m all you need. But aren’t those just words? Isn’t that just your wishful thinking? You wanting to use me for strength?_

_That’s why…_

That was why he couldn’t go back. Because he could feel Shion’s calling. Because he could see Shion, looking out the window of his home and up to the vast sky, calling out to him, wishing for his return with anguish in his heart and his lungs tight. Surely, he did it every day.

_I, who am hurting you right now. Am I in the right to be that selfish? Am I even allowed to?_

_Do I have the right to say that I want to see you?_

_This isn’t just about you or me. You understand that, don’t you? It can never be just about us. I won’t do that to you. I won’t bring that sickness into your life._

A small cheeping sound resonated in his right ear, and Nezumi was woken up from his thoughts to listen to Hamlet’s rant.

“Yeah-yeah, no need to be angry, I know,” he mumbled, with a small frown. “But we’re leaving.”

More screeching cheeping came, followed by a tiny, not hurtful nip to his ear, but he chose to ignore it this time. Inside his pocket, Cravat shifted restlessly, also expressing his opinion on the matter.

“If it’s that much of a big deal, why don’t you go and find him?” he said, with a shrug. The two mice settled down almost at once, and Nezumi allowed himself to take another long, deep breath.

He should be back on the road soon. Towards where, he didn’t know. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway.

_Someday, Shion._

As Nezumi turned his back to the scenery, he muttered a small lullaby he had learnt from a group of gypsies he had met a few weeks previously. The song was gentle, melodically a perfect fit for Nezumi’s voice, and it seemed to be carried by the wind, echoing in the woods as he immersed himself back into this path that was yet to reveal itself.

 000

Shion emerged from the underground living area as he tied his fluffy scarf around his neck. It had been a hard, but fulfilling day of work cleaning up their room, and he felt oddly happy and blissfully light. Night was approaching fast and he knew he needed to get home or Karan would be worried if he didn’t show up for dinner.

A sudden, powerful but enveloping gush of wind reached him and ruffled his snowy hair. A different scent flooded his nose, and he couldn’t really put his finger on what was distinctive about it, but it made him pause and look to the side, up to the tall hills far beyond where a world unknown unfolded. There was nothing there but trees and rocks, he knew, and yet he stared at it for a while and inhaled deeply through his nose. He could swear that he could hear a song, distant and unknown, carried to him by that strong wind. It ringed low and gentle in his ears, almost indistinguishable, but it was there, he was sure.

It was touching him. Caressing him, holding him and rocking him. He was reminded of a day, back in that room, when warm arms had been around him and a body had directed his in a dance that had seemed to last for hours, days even. He could still remember how that body had felt, how those fingers, intertwined with his had been hot and firm. The scent of soap, the low humming that directed a pace, coming from lips so close to his.

Nostalgia filled him, but it came accompanied by a wonderful feeling of soothing comfort. It was cold outside, and yet he didn’t feel it. On the contrary, he felt his insides burning as though a brute fever had taken over him. He felt dizzy, but it was the most wonderful dizziness in the world.

It was a feeling that was… very familiar, yet very new. It consumed him and made every cell in his body scream in yearning.

In spite of himself, Shion smiled as a frustrating blush crept up his cheeks.

_So this is how it is, huh? Even now, I keep changing because of you._

Shaking his head from side to side, Shion ran a hand through his hair and made his way back to No.6, feeling content like he hadn’t in a long time.

TBC…


	2. Shion & Nezumi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, my lovelies! Here’s my gift to you! One more part to go, and I will update it in a couple of days since it’s already written, I just need to re-read it and fix a few things as soon as I have the time.
> 
> Let me know what you think, I would really appreciate it <3
> 
> Not Betaed. Feel free to point out the typos!

**The Freedom You Stole**

**Part II: Shion & Nezumi**

 

“Whoa, look at all these things!” Lili said excitedly, looking around at the small kitchen where all sorts of gift boxes of every size and bags were scattered everywhere. “This is crazy! And everything looks so expensive, too!”

Karan and Shion had already started opening everything to see what they had received this time. The more time passed, the more influential Shion became in No.6 as well as in the rest of the world as an important member of the Restructural Committee of the city, so more and more their small house was becoming weekly invaded by all sorts of gifts from the citizens, and international sponsorships. When the first batch of gifts had arrived, Karan had been happy to receive so many things – from clothes for her and Shion, to food and electronics – but being the humble woman she was, once the third delivery had arrived she no longer had a use for all the things that had been presented to them.

Shion himself didn’t seem to appreciate the gifts, only taking for himself the things that he considered necessary for his job or some clothes that he could use since he was still a growing young man.

Even after so long of living this life, where opulence was easily reached, neither he nor Karan had wanted to give in to the temptation. Shion made good money working for the city, and yet a good part of it was used to help families in need in the west block. Karan’s bakery was also being exceptionally profitable. They could’ve moved to a bigger house by now. Karan could’ve had her own larger bakery in a more visible and crowded place, but she already had enough work as it was, so she had no interest in doubling it and having more responsibility than she already did. But their little house was their home, and neither seemed to want to change it for now.

“Shion, what are we going to do with all of this?” Karan asked with a sigh, putting her hands on her hips with an annoyed huff.

“Don’t you need anything, Karan-san?” Lili asked, having taken a velvety box from inside a larger cardboard one on the table that apparently contained an expensive watch. Her eyes gleamed. “Some of these things might be useful, it would be a waste to throw them out!”

“I suppose I could see what would be of value, but we already have so many things,” Karan mumbled, with a sigh. She had lost count of the dresses and jewellery she had, most of them things she would never use but that she kept because once in a blue moon she accompanied Shion to some high-classed events and enjoyed looking good. “Why don’t you choose a few things for you and your family, Lili? Renka probably could do with a few of them?”

“Can I really?” The teenager asked excitedly.

“Go ahead,” Karan encouraged, smiling tiredly before turning to her son, who was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by things as well. “Maybe Inukashi could make good use of a few of these things as well? It’s a shame there aren’t any toys for little Shionn. We should share the food, too, otherwise it’ll all go to waste. So much fruit and all this cheese…”

“Yeah, Inukashi loves this kind of stuff,” Shion nodded absently, rummaging the contents of a large plastic bag. “We should send Rikiga-san something, too. He’s been doing an amazing job with his magazine and spreading out the news of No.6 to the world in very professional way.

Karan had to smile. In spite of Rikiga’s personality and taste for tacky things, the man sure had given life to that wonderful social magazine and even managed to ship it to the rest of the world, spreading the new wonderful messages about their new better city in hopes that general peace and equality could be achieved.

“People really are in love with you, aren’t they,” Lili said, throwing a dissimulated look at Shion’s figure. “Our most prized leader.”

Shion looked up at her over his shoulder and threw her a small, charming smile that Karan knew to be completely devoid of emotion. “I’m not a leader, I’m just a regular citizen who fights for No.6 to keep the peace and be a place of equal rights so people can be happy,” he said, with a falsely jovial tone. “This is seriously a waste of time and money on me.”

He quickly returned his attention to the bag, and seeing Lili’s crestfallen expression almost made Karan sigh.

“So modest,” Lili muttered, apparently having lost all the interest in the choosing of things for herself as she lowered her eyes “That’s what I like about you, Onii-chan…”

Karan bit on her lower lip as her son promptly ignored the girl. No, he wasn’t ignoring her, she knew; he was just purposefully pretending like he couldn’t hear her anymore. Not that Karan believed that he should indulge her, of course – after all, Shion was already 23 while lily was still 15 – but she genuinely wanted Shion to at least acknowledge the girl’s feelings and respect them. Lili had never given up on her dream of one day marrying him, and her quest to get his attention had already begun, what with her always wearing pretty clothes when around him, putting on a little bit of makeup and always trying to impose her presence on him whenever she possibly could. Karan felt genuinely sorry for the girl, because not only did Shion still treat her as the small girl he had always considered as a little sister, but he also took no notice of her efforts. But, then again, artificial beauty was never something that appealed to him.

Also…

Karan couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her lips.

Shion’s heart was still captivated by someone else. He did not allow others in, and more importantly, he did not allow himself to let go of his own desire. Shion’s faith was something unshakable, and while this exasperated Karan, she had long since given up on hoping that things would be different. That was Shion’s choice, and his path, the way the wanted to live his life, whom he wished to love… that was his choice alone, and she would never interfere.

“Ah…” A small gasp escaped Shion’s mouth as he fished a bottle of wine out of the bag, lifting it up to eye level. “We’re keeping this.”

“You’re keeping the wine?”  Karan asked, quirking her eyebrows upwards. They had received many bottles before, but Shion had never kept them before. “How rare. I didn’t know you liked it.”

“I actually do,” Shion admitted, and the way he eyed the bottle made Karan understand his feelings. His eyes were had suddenly flashed to life with joy, fondness and that never-ending longing. She couldn’t help but smile a bit. Maybe it was something about the particular brand, then, that brought back memories.

“I don’t remember you ever drinking wine, though…” she said quietly.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly recently,” Shion said, smiling. “It was a while back, while I was staying with Nez…” he closed his mouth at once, understanding that he had become too excited in front of Lili. “It was while I was away,” he rectified, more softly this time.

Karan understood that, somehow, that particular bottle of wine had brought back memories of _Nezumi_. But Lili didn’t know about Nezumi, and Karan wouldn’t be the one to press the issue.

“Oh… I see,” Karan said, gently. “Well, then. That’s some expensive wine, isn’t it? You should put it in the high shelves in the cabinets. You can drink it when you find it appropriate, yes?”

“Ah, yeah,” Shion said, his smile becoming a little constricted as he stood up and carefully walked towards the cabinets over the sink and opened them to carefully place the bottle of wine there, next to a few expensive alcoholic beverages that Karan kept for visits. Slowly, he closed the door, but the smile had disappeared from his face. Karan’s heart ached at the sight – Shion was falling into one of his weird moods again. She knew they never lasted more than a few minutes, but during those minutes that seemed to last forever, she knew her son would be left with his own thoughts, lost in his own memories and drowning in his own feelings of yearning and pain, and she hated it.

But, even if those memories hurt Shion, she understood that they also gave happiness to his days, and more importantly, hope. She couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ try to pull him away from them if she wanted to. They were all he had, all he lived for.

“I’ll be right back,” Shion said absently, with a small wave of his hand before leaving the kitchen without looking at either Karan or Lily.

This time, it was Lili who sighed. When Karan looked back at her, her eyes were still lowered, her teeth biting on her lower lip.

“Ma’am,” the girl whispered sadly. “Does Onii-chan have a girlfriend? He doesn’t seem to understand my interest at all.”

Karan couldn’t help but smile condescendingly at her.

“Don’t you think he’s a little bit too old for you, Lili?” She asked gently.

“No,” Lili said, looking up at her and shaking her head from side to side. “I’ve always wanted to marry him, you know that. I always try so hard to look pretty, but he doesn’t see me at all, does he? Makes me wonder if he has someone already.”

Karan could only clear her throat. The girl sure was perceptive. “Shion is a very busy man, dear,” she said casually, picking up a bag filled with food and carrying it towards the refrigerator. “He cares about other things more than he cares about  romance and girlfriends, I suppose. So I don’t think he has a girlfriend or anything of the sort.”

“Is that so,” Lili replied, her voice gaining a hopeful tone that almost made Karan cringe.

She didn’t want Lili to be sad, but feeding her with a false sense of hope would be no good.

“But… I do know that there is someone out there that is very important to him,” Karan said, opening the door to her refrigerator and arranging the things inside of it so more would fit. “Someone he is eagerly waiting for. I don’t think he can look past that person, Lili, to be very honest. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Lili didn’t answer. “That person must be very stupid,” she said resentfully after a while.

“Why would you say that?” Karan inquired, smiling to herself in spite of everything.

“Having Shion’s feelings so devoted to them and not being around to receive them. Isn’t that a stupid move? Most people long for love. Why would that person run away from it? Does she even reciprocate those feelings at all?”

Karan took a few seconds to consider it as she put the food safely inside the fridge. She had thought about Nezumi’s and Shion’s relationship many times, and yet, she knew there were things beyond her comprehension.

“I don’t think that… the person runs away from it, exactly,” she confessed, thoughtfully. “I think that the person and Shion simply parted ways because it wasn’t the time for them to be together yet. People sometimes need to grow up and understand what they need, what they want and what makes them happy. Sometimes they need time to understand where their home is. So, if it’s meant to be, I’m sure it will happen at some point, Lili. Because Shion and this person have a bond that won’t be broken no matter what. Surely Shion’s feelings will reach the other person, there is no way it won’t happen.”

“How can you be so sure?” Lili’s voice cracked a bit, sounding a bit surprised by the sudden certainty of Karan’s words.

Karan was not certain at all; she couldn’t predict the future. But she had faith, and a mother’s intuition was sometimes frighteningly sharp.

“I don’t know,” Karan admitted, throwing a genuine smile over her shoulder at her. “Call it a hunch, I guess. Some people are meant to find each other, and once they do, being apart will become unbearable at some point. So, if Shion wants to see this person badly, then, surely, this person will possess the equal desire to see him and be reunited. That’s what I believe in.”

Karan was relieved when the girl didn’t press the issue.

000

It was a cold, windy night. Shion knew that it would rain soon, he could smell it in the air, and yet, he still opened the window of his room as far wide as he possibly could. The lights were already off. As per usual, he inhaled the night air deeply and looked up at the winter sky before closing his eyes and making a wish.

Well, it wasn’t exactly a wish, no; more like a prayer. Every day he hoped that the wind would carry his feelings towards whom he longed for. He hoped that, if these feelings could reach _him_ , somehow, he would understand where he belonged and see what Shion could see.

And he could see so much more, nowadays, than he had a few years previously. He understood, now, why Nezumi was so afraid – of him, of them, of their differences. Shion understood that there needed to be more than just the two of them for things to be balanced, and that there were things that both had to realize and learn, on different levels, yes, but those things were like a wall nonetheless. He could see that now.

Shion had needed to grow up without Nezumi beside him. He had needed to evolve by himself, for himself, so he could prevail alone, without depending on him.

What Nezumi needed to learn… Shion had an idea of what he _wanted_ Nezumi to learn, so all he could do was hope that he would.

_If you could see me now…_

_Is this the person you wanted me to be? Will you by happy with who I have become, for myself, for my city?_

_I hope I have done well, Nezumi. I’m waiting. But I’m not static. I’m still growing strong, even without you._

_Isn’t that what you wanted?_

Still, he felt more at peace than ever before, but his one and only single wish still remained, strong and unchangeable, for as long as it had to. It would never die. So, he simply waited, patiently, but eagerly.

_I want to see you._

Heaving a small, tired sigh, Shion scratched the back of his head and turned his back to the window as he walked towards his narrow bed. It had been a long day, and he had to wake up early tomorrow – it was the trimestral reunion of the leaders of the six cities, and he had to be in top form, and sharp-minded. Shion was actually looking forward to it since these kinds of meetings had become a sort of extenuating but entertaining challenge for him. It put his brain to work fast, and he enjoyed it.

Slowly, Shion pushed back the covers of the bed.

A sudden chill ran down his spine, but it wasn’t caused by the wind coming in through the window, no. His body froze. The hairs at the back on his neck stood on end. His heart picked up a quick drumming speed without him even realizing it. He sucked in a breath.

_What’s this?_

There had been no sound before except for the sounds coming from the world outside, and even now, apart from that, everything was quiet. But Shion felt like he was being watched, and his instincts detected an overwhelming presence behind him. A presence he knew very well.

Cautiously, he straightened his back before turning around.

The room was dark, only illuminated slightly but the streetlamps outside, but it was enough for Shion to see clearly. There, in front of the window, stood a tall figure enveloped in a familiar dark, long fabric. A beautiful shade of luminous grey stared back at him intensely, like the eyes of a feral beast with superior intelligence assessing a prey.

_Nezumi…_

How deeply he had desired to see that colour once more. He swallowed hard.

Shion wanted to stare back into those dangerous eyes, but the need to take everything in was stronger.

Nezumi was taller now – still slightly taller than him. His shoulders had broadened, too, but his figure was still elegant and imposing. His hair was still tied up in a ponytail, a bit longer than Shion recalled from what he could see, and his features, while a little more pronounced and sharp here and there, slightly more masculine-looking, were still very refined. In the right light, Nezumi’s face would still look hauntingly androgynous. He was definitely older, but no less dazzling. After all, they were now both about 23, after all.

_Beautiful…_

He wondered if Nezumi was just as overwhelmed as he was, even though his face showed nothing.

He seemed healthy and even his clothes were in good condition, all things considered. Shion’s breath returned, but it quickened almost at once. It was unbelievable. Was it even real? Was that person really there? Or was it another one of his dreams?

_This feels real. The feeling is real._

He couldn’t move.

“Somehow, I thought my reception would be a little different.” Nezumi’s voice was enticing and smooth as always, but definitely lower, graver than Shion remembered. More powerful and alluring, definitely Nezumi’s.

“I thought it would be different, as well,” Shion managed to say, surprisingly more steadily than he had anticipated.

Shion had known Nezumi would come through that window, simply because it had meaning to both of them. It would not be any other way; they both knew it. Yet, Shion, had imagined that, once he were to see Nezumi again, that he’d cry and run to him at once, just so he could hold him and never let go. And yet, he could not move, rooted to the spot as he stared at that glorious creature in front of him.

Nezumi simply quirked up a mocking eyebrow, but he wasn’t smiling. In fact, he looked devastatingly serious, but it wasn’t something Shion hadn’t expected.

Behind Nezumi, a quick flash of light illuminated the room for a second, followed by the resonating sound of a thunder in the sky.

“Close the window,” Shion said, a bit breathlessly. Nezumi stared for just a moment before turning so he was closing the window and locking it. This made Shion feel a little less strained and he allowed his muscles to relax, just a little.

As Nezumi turned around again, Shion dared his naked feet to take a few steps closer to him, his heart hammering inside his chest. He reached out a hand that shook ever so slightly and stopped in front of the other man, hesitating. He wanted to touch Nezumi’s face but was scared to. What if it was all a dream? What if Nezumi disappeared right in front of his eyes?

Almost as if he had understood his fear, Nezumi took a small step closer. Their chests came into contact and Shion’s fingertips were able to feel the soft flesh of the other’s cheek.

His other hand came up to grab at the fabric over Nezumi’s chest. It was real. It was solid, and steady and warm. He could feel Nezumi’s heart, beating erratically, alive.

Tilting his chin upwards, Shion met steely eyes once more, and they had softened.

His very soul seemed to soar.

“You’re real,” he whispered weakly, cupping Nezumi’s cheek. “You’re actually here…”

“I thought that much was obvious by now,” Nezumi muttered back, a bit sarcastically. His warm breath brushed against Shion’s lips, making him feel dizzy with emotion and anxiousness. His whole body was moved by Nezumi’s presence in a chaos of longing and happiness.

Nezumi’s eyes narrowed for a brief moment, and seemed to glow as another thunder cast light over the room. He seemed deeply lost in thought. “I see,” he whispered.

Shion had wanted to ask what was it that he had seen, what was he talking about, but the world swayed under his feet and stopped him. He didn’t know who had moved first or if an unseen force had lured them together at the same time, but he found Nezumi’s lips against his in a harsh kiss. If Shion hadn’t known him, he would’ve said that it was desperate, but maybe that emotion came from him and not Nezumi. He couldn’t tell. All he could focus on was how soothingly cold and soft those lips were, how ruthless. An arm encircled him by the waist to pull him close and a hand came to rest at the back of his neck, keeping his head firmly in place. Their mouths moved eagerly over each other, and something in the back of Shion’s mind told him that it was all very clumsy and rather uncoordinated. They had never kissed like this before, but it didn’t seem to matter. His body burnt and ached and he poured everything he had into that sloppy, demanding kiss. That free proximity, the warmth they shared was unlike anything Shion had ever experienced, and when their tongues brushed against each other, that previous dizziness became worse and almost made his legs buckle under him. A strangled sound of utter pleasure left his throat, but he was too deeply enraptured to feel embarrassed. For so long he had clung to that brief taste Nezumi had offered him, craving for it, hoping that he would someday be able to feel it again. He hadn’t forgotten about it, no. But he couldn’t recall it being this powerful, this addicting.

Outside, it had started to rain heavily.

They were both struggling to breathe, but neither seemed inclined to stop. However, after what felt like hours, Nezumi slowly drew away, his lips leaving Shion’s with a languid departing slide.

“What was this?” Shion asked breathlessly, as he looked back up to Nezumi’s gorgeous eyes. “Another goodbye kiss? Another vow? Because I won’t accept it anymore.”

Nezumi looked slightly surprised before a small, cunning smile finally graced his lips. “A goodnight kiss,” he said lowly, clutching gently at the hairs at the back of Shion’s head. “Only this time I’m here to put you to bed myself.”

“I’d rather never sleep again if that meant I’d wake up without you,” Shion said firmly.

Nezumi laughed quietly. “You’re still the same naïve, clueless guy, huh?”

“Maybe, but not like before,” Shion defended, grabbing for the fabric of Nezumi’s fibre cloth with both hands. “You understand it, don’t you? If you leave again, I’m going after you no matter what. I’ve done what I needed to do. And no, I don’t _need_ you, Nezumi. I can go on forever without you by my side even if makes me feel miserable. But I don’t want to be without you. And that’s my decision.”

It was the truth, but also a lie. Yes, he could live forever without Nezumi by his side. Everything good that had ever happened to him, all the wonderful and painful things he had felt, all he had, all he was, and all he had achieved he owed it to Nezumi. If Shion had become strong and resilient, he owed it to Nezumi. If he was alive, Nezumi was the cause. It was because of Nezumi that he knew how to move on, by himself.

This was all the truth, and yet, it was precisely because of this that, no matter what, everything he was, would always be connected to Nezumi. There was literally no meaning to his life without him other than to live and breathe and keep a promise he had made to Safu and to the man who saved Nezumi’s life.

Yes, without Nezumi, Shion had still achieved money, a high position in No.6 and recognition in changing for the best a world that seemed doomed. But was he happy? No. Would he ever know how to live happily and content with what he had?

Never. Without Nezumi, nothing seemed to make sense and Shion felt unbalanced. No-one would be able to tell, but Shion knew.

Yes, he could be without Nezumi. Only he didn’t want to. He wouldn’t allow it anymore.

_I am happy only when I’m around you, Nezumi. It has been like that since the day I met you. Only you._

“Aren’t you being a little selfish?” Nezumi inquired, but there was no reproach in his voice.

“I’ve always been selfish,” Shion said, shamelessly. If he didn’t express himself now, if he weren’t honest and blunt like Nezumi expected him to, he would never forgive himself for disappointing him. “Even when it came to you. No, especially when it came to you. I know that very well. But it’s the one thing about me I never wanted to change.”

“You can’t simply impose yourself on someone else, you know?” Nezumi said, softly.

“I know,” Shion agreed, with a small nod. “But you’re here, aren’t you?”

“I made a promise,” Nezumi reminded him, with a frown. “I always keep my promises.”

“Yes,” Shion’s eyes travelled over Nezumi’s features determinately. “But you made that promise because you wanted to. Because you wished to see me, too. Because you knew you’d keep it, didn’t you? You vowed to meet again because you truly wanted to. No matter how different we are, Nezumi…”

“You talk too much,” Nezumi interrupted, tugging a little too forcefully at the bit of Shion’s hair that he was holding in his hand. “I just got here and I’m already exhausted of listening to you.”

It was said with a bit of impatience, but the fondness behind it was unmistakable. Nezumi would always be straightforward with words, always real and implacable regardless of his feelings, and he’d never say what Shion wanted to hear, ever. He would always voice reason before he voiced emotions. But Shion already knew that, and it was okay. He liked everything about Nezumi, and he understood that certain things he did would have to be enough.

And right now, Nezumi was here, for him. Because he wanted to.

Biting on his lower lip, Shion wished that he could smile but he was still too overwhelmed.

“Nezumi, tell me what I can do for you?” he said. “Are you hungry? Cold? Are you injured somewhere?”

“I’m fine, Shion,” Nezumi said, narrowing his eyes again. “I would appreciate a good night’s sleep in a comfortable bed, though.”

“Alright.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds without moving. Nezumi seemed to be testing him, somehow, but Shion really didn’t feel like moving away and losing that intimate physical contact they were sharing. It was very simple, yet intimate and oddly intense and made all sorts of impulses rush through Shion’s body. He couldn’t calm his raging heartbeat if he tried.

Cautiously, he slid backwards and away from Nezumi’s embrace, finding no resistance from the other man’s part.

“Let me get you something to sleep in,” Shion said, in a way that was almost formal.

He didn’t even let Nezumi respond because he was already turning his back to him and making his way to his closet to look for a fresh set of PJs.

“They might be a bit short for you, but that’s all I have,” Shion said, placing the PJs on the bed, just as Nezumi slowly began to unwrap the fibre-cloth from around him before folding it neatly. Shion extended his arms to receive the item and Nezumi passed it to him.

In petrified silence, Shion watched, unblinkingly and shamelessly as Nezumi removed his boots and then his clothes. Perhaps it was Shion’s eyes that were just avid for the reality of the other man standing in front of him, or maybe it was the way Nezumi’s gaze didn’t leave his as he stripped, folded his clothes and handed them to Shion until he was left only in a pair of black boxers. Either way, Shion was moved, his heart seeming to be unable to calm down no matter what he did.

He had seen his friend naked many times before, and yet, this body in front of him seemed so different from what he recalled, but equally enthralling and imposing, perfect in every way.

It was with a sense of disappointment that he watched Nezumi put the PJs on with still frustratingly slow movements. Once he was done, Shion realized that the PJs weren’t that small on him, just a little short on the arms and legs.

With great effort, Shion turned his back to Nezumi again to put his clothes safely away inside his closet. When he turned around once more, he found Nezumi already getting inside the bed, his lustrous hair down, cascading over his shoulders. Shion felt weak as Nezumi’s hand kept the covers lifted, a clear invitation for him to join him, but slowly made him way to the bed and got inside, his mind blank as he kept his eyes trained on Nezumi. He lowered his body so he was lying down on his side facing the other man. Nezumi put the covers over his body before he, too, lay down on his side but with his back turned to him. Shion didn’t feel offended by this at all, watching the back of Nezumi’s head and the way his hair draped across the pillow.

The bed was far too narrow for them both at this point, and yet, their bodies weren’t touching. Unable to hold himself back, Shion moved closer and slid his arm around Nezumi’s waist, pressing his chest to Nezumi’s back and shamelessly throwing a leg over his. The body in his embrace was warm and firm, and _there_ , and Shion couldn’t stop himself from burying his nose in Nezumi’s hair as he held him tight. Nezumi merely flinched slightly and held his breath before slowly releasing it and allowing himself to relax. Shion had expected him to push him away or to throw some nasty remark at him, but neither happened. Instead, Nezumi’s body moved to press itself back more against Shion’s, allowing himself to be held tighter, as they were pressed together more intimately.

If he wasn’t so moved he could barely react according to his feelings, Shion would’ve smiled, or cried, or just… laughed. He was so relieved, so grateful. How long had he dreamt of this moment, of this very scenario? How many times had he prayed for this? How many times had he wondered if it would ever come to him?

But as it was, all he could do was sigh and feel the overwhelming perfection, the life of the body in his arms, and the familiar scent he had so missed and longed for.

Nezumi didn’t speak, but Shion didn’t need him to. He felt confused, shocked, happy, but at the same time, a clarity he didn’t understand filled his heart.

Slowly, he closed his eyes, feeling unusually comfortable. This… this is felt like home. Not that bed, not that room, not that house. No matter where they were, Shion understood…

Home was wherever Nezumi was.

000

Karan had been overwhelmed with joy he next day when Nezumi and Shion both descended the stairs and stepped inside the kitchen. When she had hugged Nezumi with genuine tears of gratefulness in her eyes, Shion had a weird sense of dejá vu. He tried to ignore the same expression of desperate relief on her face because he knew he had been the cause for her feelings of anguish for the last few years. He knew how much his aloofness hurt her and made her worry, but it wasn’t like he could help it if he had tried.

But now Nezumi was back, and Shion and his mother both wished that he had come to stay, for good this time.

Nezumi was… the same as always, but also different from what Shion remembered. He couldn’t exactly point out what was different about him, though. Maybe a more relaxed demeanour? Maybe a less immediately snappish attitude? Or maybe it was that, in spite of this, he seemed more alert than ever, his beautiful silvery eyes hauntingly sharp and calculating. Age and maturity made them all the more intense, the intelligence behind them as piercing and frightening as it was fascinating and seductive. It was like they examined everything they saw in acute detail, with a coldness that dissected every little thing. Shion thought that those eyes could’ve belonged to some sort of tyrant, or a very powerful King and he wished he could get inside Nezumi’s mind and read his thoughts. That was all he longed for.

Nezumi’s eyes took his breath away and shook his very soul to the core, and yet, he couldn’t look away from them if he tried.

For a few days, Shion excitedly led Nezumi through the streets of No. 6, showing him around and thoroughly explaining all the things that had been changed and comparing the before with what it was nowadays. Beside him, Nezumi would listen, retaining the information given with a serious expression on his face and offering his input – sometimes sarcastically so, but it made Shion happy all the same. He couldn’t tell whether Nezumi was pleased or just exasperated, but Shion supposed that Nezumi’s feelings for No. 6 remained on the bittersweet side. Still, there was no denying the slightly impressed quirk of Nezumi’s eyebrows.

“You did good all by yourself, huh,” he had said at some point. Shion had merely forced a smile.

_If only you knew how many times I was overcome with despair, wanting to leave it all behind so I could find you, be with you… how many times I wondered why I was doing all these things, for whom? Wondering if I really cared all that much or if I worked hard on a whim, to prove myself to you and to become strong all by myself, like you wanted me to._

_In the end, Nezumi… it was all for you._

But Shion couldn’t say these things out loud – he knew that, if he did, Nezumi would see how weak he still was. Strong, for Nezumi, but also weak, because of him.

Nezumi didn’t want to be introduced to the members of the Restructural Committee, much to Shion’s sadness. Somehow, he had expected Nezumi to want to be a part of it, even if from a distance – a part of the construction of this greater, better world – but Nezumi didn’t seem interested at all, so he didn’t press the issue.

“You are changing this world,” he had said to Shion, monotonously. “You don’t need my help, and I have no wish to become a politician, or even do anything at all for the benefit of this city. I won’t lie to myself into pretending that I care about this place, because I still don’t.”

But Nezumi didn’t criticize it as it was at all, so Shion thought that not all was bad. If Nezumi had nothing nasty to point out, then that meant that he somewhat approved of how people No. 6 lived nowadays.

While Nezumi was a self-educated person who could blend in with the people of the city effortlessly, Shion was quick to understand that, no matter how well he handled himself, he didn’t seem to ‘fit’, or even tried to. It wasn’t like he wasn’t incredibly flexible, sometimes holding himself in a way that was considerably more refined than even the most influential people of the city, and yet, somehow, it was as if his presence alone sucked the life of his surroundings. It was almost as if No. 6 in all its new glory and natural beauty still couldn’t handle Nezumi’s glow, or reach his… whatever it was that Nezumi seemed to possess that made him contrast hugely with it.

Shion knew that there wasn’t a single person in those grounds capable of holding a conversation with him and actually be on his level. After all, some things were hard to change in people’s minds, and Nezumi was cultured and knowing like an ancient scholar, interested in the beauty of the natural past, music, books, philosophy and history – things people found too complicated these days.

People nowadays still found books to be unnecessarily heavy and all the cities had long ago come to a consensus that that printing them was bad for the environment, and that was something not even Shion could change. Not only that, but most people loved technology far too much and looked only at the future, simple and quiet as it might be, their brains already far too programed and simplistic for them to actually feel the desire to go deeper and further. The past before the six cities had been built was too filled with information, filled with too many different cultures, too many different laws, religions, policies and cultures and people’s brains seemed to find these things useless, tiring and a waste of time. They only cared about information that could be used now and about the history of the world they had known since the beginning. Only the elderly seemed to recall the past with fondness and longing, but even them weren’t that old as to recall exactly how the world was before it all had changed.

Of course, the past was still a huge influence in fashion and in all forms of art, but people found it fascinating because of the visuals and most of them found little interest in knowing what was behind such influences.

In many ways, Shion wished for Nezumi to want to change this and fill people’s hearts with beauty and knowledge as he had done with Shion. But it seemed as though Nezumi had no intention to do so. Shion respected that and, in a way, felt a weird sort of pride and possession – he wanted nothing more than for Nezumi to keep showing this sort of life to him alone. It was a selfish thing to think, but Shion supposed that sharing such things so intimately could also be considered a form of expressing love.  

Well, Shion supposed that No. 6 was no match for Nezumi, and no matter how much it changed, Nezumi would always be superior, looking down on it with disgust and resentment.

But even in Shion’s eyes, No. 6 would never win against his friend.

People on the streets would notice that Nezumi was a ‘stranger’ – his looks were rather eye-catching, and there was always something in the way he moved and in the way he spoke – how his voice sounded – that unintentionally lured people’s attention to him. As if the fact that he was walking beside Shion wasn’t surprising enough.

Shion wanted to tell him many things and ask him many questions. _Where have you been, Nezumi? What did you do while you were away? How many people did you meet? What kind of things did you think about? Why are you back? Are you here to stay?_

But he couldn’t ask him. There was something about Nezumi’s stance that made Shion feel both relieved but also tense, as if the slightest mistake from him would somehow push Nezumi away from him, and he didn’t want that.

Well, Nezumi didn’t need to tell him anything – there were things only time itself would give them, and Shion was no less eager towards everything concerning the other man, but now his new found wisdom helped him keep a more reserved and patient attitude.

Even now, he had to be worthy of the things that his hands managed to grab hold of, and Nezumi was simply the hardest of them all, by far, and the one he wanted the most.

When Karan straightforwardly asked Nezumi if he was planning on sticking around, he directly told her that he had no intention to live inside the walls of No. 6.

“In fact,” he had said. “I’m bored to death already and the air reeks in here.”

Poor Karan had been visibly disappointed since she had hoped that Nezumi would want to stick around and live with them as family, but it wasn’t something Shion hadn’t expected. Nezumi didn’t belong in No. 6, and neither would he force him to.

But Nezumi hadn’t spoken with a tone of resentment that could possibly allude to another farewell so soon, so Shion remained calm as he told him about the west block and the new lives of Rikiga-san, Inukashi and young Shionn, telling him about their underground home and how it was available for him to inhabit it if he wished to.

Nezumi’s eyes flared to life at this, and Shion couldn’t help but feel both happy and lonely at the same time, but he should’ve expected it anyway because No. 6 would never be Nezumi’s home. He often wondered if there was even a place that man would ever truly consider as ‘home’, or someone. These odd thoughts mingled with his happiness and hopelessness in Shion’s mind and heart constantly. He was no longer a child to fool himself into believing that Nezumi had come to stay, or that he had even returned because of Shion himself. They weren’t even lovers, Shion understood this. What they were, at this point, was actually a mystery to him.

But he would also lie if he said that he didn’t want them to be.

For him, all he wanted, truly, was to have Nezumi beside him forever, where his eyes could meet his and where his hands could reach him; that was all.

But Shion had turned into an adult longing for Nezumi’s lips on his, for his hand in his, for his arms around him, for his fingers running through his hair like he had done so many times. Now he had that reality within his grasp, but it resembled nothing of what he saw in the movies or read in books, or even anything close to what he could see of the couples in No. 6.

Nezumi reached out for him when he wanted to, and he would rarely move away when Shion was the one to seek him out. But they didn’t share public displays of affection at all, even though Nezumi wouldn’t be shy in ruffling Shion’s hair in front of Karan or even putting his arms around his shoulders. Shion would always blush in joy – because he had almost forgotten how blissful his friend’s nonchalant affection was – but also in embarrassment because he considered that there were things that is mother shouldn’t see, not even simple interactions such as those. But he was happy, and Karan could tell.

They weren’t even a couple, but did Shion wish they were?

That depended, he supposed. He had no intention of holding hands with Nezumi in the middle of the street, or of sharing mushy moments – just thinking about it made him feel nauseous, and besides, he couldn’t picture them in such weird case scenarios if he tried. That alone was proof that their relationship would never be anything but unconventional.

But… did he wish to be assured that they would be partners until the end of their days?

Well, that was the only desire he had that was possibly romantic at all.

Of course that, were he and Nezumi to go back to what they were as teenagers, Shion would miss the things that he had come to know with him now that they were adults.

The more meaningful way Nezumi placed his hand on the back of his neck and gave it an almost possessive squeeze. The darker, intense way he would sometimes gaze at him. The way their mouths automatically met at night before sleeping, Shion’s far too narrow bed bringing their bodies together and always temping them towards avid explorations where their hands became far too curious and their skins slid against each other, the heat shared between them a tormenting heaven. In the moonlight, Nezumi liked to watch the snake scar that hugged his body and trace it with gentle fingers and, sometimes, lips.

Shion felt like such a clumsy child, so easily excitable, so enraptured by Nezumi’s careful guidance towards the first gates of carnal pleasure. Shion wasn’t exactly naïve – he understood that they had a long way to go towards actual sex, and he respected that Nezumi needed to take things very slowly and become accustomed to this renewed energy between them. Shion understood that he was inexperienced, always too eager for his own good, his desire for Nezumi’s proximity not allowing him to learn things properly. But since Nezumi didn’t complain, he supposed time itself would allow him to calm down and actually take the time to learn more and be on Nezumi’s level.

So… obviously he would resent it if Nezumi at some point decided that this sort of relationship wasn’t for him. But they weren’t a couple, they just were, and Shion understood it. Nezumi needed time, and time would be given to him.

Shion was willing to wait. As long as Nezumi was close by, that was all he wanted, better than anything that had possibly happened to him in the last seven years of his life. Shion couldn’t be more thankful for what was given to him at this point.

The rest would have to wait.

TBC…


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my lovely @lovelessseph! HAPPY BIRTHDAY you amazing person who is so supportive they didn’t even let me beat them to it by surprising them with an update of this fic, precisely today xD God, you don’t miss a beat ;P
> 
> Well, there you have it, I haven’t forgotten about it ;) I hope you enjoy it, even though it’s sort of bittersweet and a blegh ending. I almost finished it with a useless dialogue about greek mythology but then thought better of it because, really, who cares about boring culture stuff these days? No-one but Nezumi and myself, of course.
> 
> But I think I might write a few tiny extras once in a while when I am overwhelmed by with No.6 feels, so stay tunned ;)
> 
> ANYWAY, on with the show. For now, it’s the end of this fic, that I enjoyed writing like crazy.
> 
> NOT BETAED! Feel free to point out the typos <3

**The Freedom You Stole**

 

**Epilogue**

 

“There’s a lock on the door,” Nezumi pointed out, a little surprised as Shion shoved the key inside the keyhole of their former underground residence.

“Yeah, I put it here myself,” Shion said, turning the key twice inside the lock. He opened the door and passed the keys to Nezumi, who accepted them with a dumbfounded expression. “They’re yours.”

Nezumi threw him a strange look as Shion got out of the way to allow him entrance with a small smile. With an eyebrow quirked upwards, Nezumi got inside the room. He shouldn’t have been surprised at what he saw, and yet he was.

“This place hasn’t changed at all,” he observed, unsure of what this fact made him feel. Shion had followed him inside and was now closing the door behind them. “It’s _clean_.”

Indeed, everything was as he remembered. A strange nostalgia filled him, as well as an intoxicating sort of anguish that could be associated to relief. He couldn’t relate it to anything in particular though, so he pushed those feelings aside.

“Yeah, I came here every few weeks to keep things in check,” Shion confessed casually, coming to a halt next to him. “Well, it took me about five years to come, actually, but Inukashi watched over it during that time. I was happy that it was all in one piece.”

Nezumi shoved the keys inside the pocket of his jacket – an expensive black one that was stylish and warm, the only gift he had accepted from Shion because it was very similar to the one he had owned as a teenager – before removing it and carefully putting it down on the sofa.

“It’s just like you to have such a thoughtful action,” Nezumi said, nonchalantly. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

“I have changed plenty,” Shion protested with a small frown, removing his own jacket and putting it down over Nezumi’s.

That was certainly true, Nezumi thought, even though he threw the other man an unimpressed look. Shion kept the same hunger for living, the same avid desire to meet Nezumi’s eyes and the same childish innocence. But he _had_ become stronger. There was now an awareness and harshness in his eyes that demanded respect, and his demeanour was definitely one of a leader – filled with confidence and calm assertiveness. Nezumi had been surprised, but glad to see that Shion had finally accepted that darker side of him that was hypocritical and manipulative and had taken advantage of it. Still, to him, Shion would always remain the same airhead he remembered who would blush easily around him and feel fascination towards useless things. _That_ Shion had remained the same, and Nezumi was thankful.

“Where is my ‘Othello’?” he inquired, remembering very clearly that he had last left the book on the low table.

“I borrowed it,” Shion said simply, slumping down heavily on the sofa and looking up at him innocently. “I can give it back whenever you want.”

“It’s fine,” Nezumi muttered, feeling his chest tight with an undefinable emotion. It overwhelmed him that Shion had kept things just the way they were around that place. It sure brought back memories for him – of times of anger, of loneliness, but also of times of comfort and emotion; of home, one might say.

Home… was that tiny, stuffy room ‘home’ to him? Or were the memories it carried that felt like ‘home’?

Nezumi had already allowed himself to acknowledge – not without a lot of effort – that there were things, places and people that he needed in his life, but he would lie if he said that he was 100% okay with any of it. There were things he couldn’t escape from – wishes, thoughts – but these things seemed to go against his nature and that wasn’t something that he could change.

But the world was different now; Shion was different, and _he_ was different, too, already having seen and lived more than any average human being.

He wasn’t back to the West Block for no reason. He didn’t know exactly _why_ he was back or how his life was going to be from now on, but he had long since comprehended that there were many colours in the world and many different hues to each of them. Shion had taught him that.

Nezumi had travelled for years, hoping to find a purpose, something higher than himself that would make the most sense to him and make him feel happy and fulfilled, no matter where or how. He had tried to reject many things about himself and leave the past behind with as much passion as he had tried to embrace new things with a thirst for novelty. But he had found nothing but a constant, quiet sense awe and simultaneous apathy that wasn’t exactly bad, but that didn’t offer anything else either.

It was only a few months previously that the fleeting thought of Shion had made his heart race like it hadn’t in a _long_ time, since that day he had, for some reason, decided to visit the West Block but ended up leaving anyway. He had realized that he felt curious about what Shion was doing and about how things had changed for him. He hadn’t seen Shion in seven years, and all of a sudden the desire had been all consuming.

Simply because his heart had _skipped a beat_ , Nezumi had returned. If nothing else seemed to have a meaning, then at least for now he would pursue the only thing that, apparently, did.

Even if he had no idea about what he wanted or about how things would go, at least that had made sense. He still felt so many things and yet, he couldn’t put them to shape, and neither did he wish to. Maybe Shion was ready for them now, and things could be different. Or Maybe it was Nezumi himself who was finally ready.

These were things Nezumi didn’t debate on. He had wanted to see No. 6, shaped by Shion’s hands. He had wanted to see the West Block, Inukashi and Rikiga. He had wanted to see _Shion,_ see how much he had grown, physically and mentally.

This was what he wanted, for now, and that would have to be enough. He couldn’t say that he would feel this way forever, or that one day he wouldn’t want to leave again. He couldn’t even claim that he would never feel overwhelmed by Shion ever again.

But he trusted that Shion would understand these doubts, these conflicts.

On his way there, he had hoped – to a certain extent, and not without a bit of resignation and jealousy that he had denied even to himself – that Shion had gotten married and moved on from those desperate feelings of devotion towards him so things could be easier for them. If they could just be friends and live their lives separately, then that would be it for them, and there would be no ‘what ifs’ – their future would’ve been more than decided and, hard as it could’ve been for Nezumi himself if that had happened, he would have accepted it, seen Shion one last time to keep his promise, and then move on, leaving to wander aimlessly once more.

But… Shion had still lived in that small house with his mother, the window to his room opened wide, waiting for Nezumi to come inside at any given moment.

Nezumi had felt devastated and exhilarated the moment he had seen it. He knew he was done for just then, and that if he got inside that room, everything would change. Taking Shion in his arms and kissing him hadn’t exactly been premediated, but it had been an indulgence he hadn’t known he had needed.

And still, nothing was steady, or even settled between them.

“Come sit with me,” Shion said with a small smile, patting the seat sofa next to him. Nezumi eyed him before slowly moving to sit down by Shion’s left and leaning back, turned slightly towards the other man, crossing one leg over the other.

Shion wasn’t shy in looking straight at him, but it didn’t bother Nezumi as much as it had when they had been younger, when those eyes had weighted him down – eyes that expressed his feelings without shame, holding a bit of stubborn defiance in them, as well. Nezumi almost smiled, enjoying the new found strength there.

Shion had certainly become a good-looking man, he’d give him that. He had always had a simple sort of beauty that was pleasing to the eye thanks to his cute face and gentle eyes. But now, he was no longer the scrawny, clumsy kid – his features had hardened and taken a more defined shape, less round and childish and definitely more masculine but no less attractive and captivating. His hair was still the same mess of soft snow white, as beautiful as ever. Nezumi hadn’t known how much he had missed that breath taking hair until he had laid eyes upon it again.

“I wanted to come back to this room with you for so long,” Shion said, without even blinking, sitting very straight with both fists clenched over his lap. “I thought about buying a few things to make it more comfortable, but I didn’t think you’d appreciate it.”

“Your assumptions were correct,” Nezumi agreed, with a small, elegant nod.

Shion’s fists clenched tighter. “What are you going to do from now on, Nezumi?”

“Work, I suppose,” Nezumi replied, with a small sigh and a slow shrug of his shoulders. He truly wasn’t worried; he knew he would be able to find something suitable for himself soon enough. “We’ll see. I need to see what the West Block has to offer these days before anything else.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine no matter what,” Shion said, with a conviction that almost sounded harsh. There were certain tones to his now thicker voice that Nezumi still wasn’t used to, but that he couldn’t say displeased him. “It’s you, after all. There’s nothing you can’t accomplish.”

The certainly in Shion’s words was flattering, but then again, Nezumi was aware that he had always been regarded as some sort of unearthly creature, better and above everyone else in Shion’s eyes. Even though so many years had passed and Shion was no longer a boy, that hadn’t changed. Back then, Nezumi hadn’t been able to understand it, and now, he didn’t either. Or, well, he did understand the other’s feelings and knew why they existed, but that blind admiration had been scary at the time. Even now, after Shion had grown so much and accomplished so many things on his own, it was still intimidating.

But these last few years by himself had allowed Nezumi to know that some things would never change just because one willed them to.

He watched calmly and as Shion dragged himself closer to him and put one hand on his knee, the other one on his shoulder for support. When their lips met, Nezumi closed his eyes and exhaled softly through his nose as he tilted his head to the side to accommodate the action better. They had done this many times already during the last few days, and yet, every time had felt like a first one, and this was no exception. Shion was still too eager for his own good, but instead of feeling impatient, Nezumi would always feel amused.

He wanted to, but he didn’t dare touch Shion back right now that they were alone – everything was too new between them, and yet it felt old, but the energy they shared was strong and untamed and Nezumi was terrified of it because he knew that, sooner or later, he’d be consumed by it. At Shion’s, the thought that Karan had been close by had stopped them many times from venturing towards more dangerous grounds, but now it was just the two of them, and they were inside their domain, a place where they had once shared a lot of things and where they felt safe. But Nezumi didn’t feel safe at all. Not for such a radical move, not yet, while he still couldn’t be in control of himself.

On the other hand, Shion always seemed to be more than ready to take that dangerous leap, but was wise enough to understand Nezumi’s need for a cautious development. Nezumi had come to understand that his need for control was obsessive, but it was his instinct and his nature and all he knew. Just the thought alone that, one day, he might become so weak as to not know his limits made him feel angry. No, that couldn’t happen. Not for Shion, not for anything. Giving in was one thing, letting go was something else entirely.

After they had parted, all those years ago, Shion’s taste had been alive in his mouth for a long time until he had forced himself to forget it, frustrated by his own flaw. Still, he was glad to verify that that taste was the same, and he revived it with eagerness.

Shion’s kisses were deep and curious, calculating and noisy. They were intense, but also immensely awkward because of his eagerness, and Nezumi would’ve laughed many times if he hadn’t felt so enchanted by that genuine purity and those feelings he could sense coming from him.

But there was no doubt that, as their lips worked together to find a suitable rhythm and their tongues met in hungry slides that were too wet and too loud, Nezumi’s blood would heat up and his body would scream for closeness.

Shion was like a tidal wave Nezumi wanted to defy but still felt hesitant about approaching. He wanted to belong, but not to be restrained, and this was something he needed Shion to understand – that their future was uncertain, and that nothing would ever be ‘normal’ between them because neither was like other people. It would be better for Shion to get used to this distance between them and casual proximity rather than getting attached to something constant. That was all Nezumi could offer, otherwise he might have the need to step away. That was _who he was_.

He hoped Shion understood how much it meant that Nezumi was giving him even something like this.

They broke the kiss with a gentle smacking noise, but Shion didn’t move away, heavy but devoted eyes searching for Nezumi’s as he breathed hard.

“I can’t believe you haven’t kissed anyone during all this time,” Nezumi whispered, staring into his friend’s dark purplish eyes.

“I _have_ kissed someone, or don’t you remember?” Shion said, with a small frown, his hand moving from Nezumi’s shoulder to the curve of his neck, directly over the skin and making the man take sharp intake of breath.

“I meant someone else besides me. That doesn’t count.”

There was no doubt in his mind that Shion hadn’t had a girlfriend (or boyfriend) yet.

“It counts to _me,_ ” Shion said, stubbornly.

This time, Nezumi really did smile.

“I’m going to have to teach you how to kiss properly, otherwise you’ll never find yourself a girlfriend.”

“I’d rather you taught me for your own enjoyment,” Shion retorted at once, again with that firm and cold tone that, with other people, surely left no room for arguments. But Nezumi himself only found it entertaining.

“You are assuming kissing you is a very fun activity for me,” Nezumi said, lifting a hand to touch a strand of Shion’s white hair. “Aren’t we being terribly modest today?”

“It’s okay if you don’t like it,” Shion muttered with a frown, even though a small blush of annoyance painted his cheeks. Nezumi enjoyed teasing him, and the fun part was that Shion would always fall for it, even now. “But if that’s the case, then don’t teach me anything. It wouldn’t be of use since I have no interest in finding myself a girlfriend, or kissing anyone else, for that matter.”

“No?” Nezumi provoked, unable to stop himself from running his index finger gently over Shion’s cheek. “That’s disappointing. A good-looking guy like you, influential and already one of the names behind the heaven that is now No.6. How many hearts have you broken already? Karan is surely devastated.”

“I doubt my mother expects anything of the sort from me, at this point.”

Leaning away slightly, Nezumi watched him, his smile fading. For a long time, he had under rated those feelings coming from Shion. So many years had passed, and yet, things were still the same as they were back then, and right now, Nezumi knew he couldn’t brush them off as easily anymore. Karan’s relieved tears at seeing him had been more than proof of a mother’s anguish towards her son’s misery. Nezumi hadn’t needed to ask, he had known instinctively.

Knowing his expression had hardened, Nezumi still hooked a finger under Shion’s chin and tilted his head up slightly, feeling a far too indecent pleasure at the rebellious, resolute stare he received.

“So, you’re not even inclined to find a woman? Not even for sex? Surely you are curious about it. You’re old enough to be interested in such things, and if you’ve changed, as you said, then you can’t possibly be oblivious to the real birds and bees,” he pointed out ruthlessly, unsure of why he was pushing the issue when Shion had clearly stated his feelings, even if indirectly so. In fact, after those last few days they had spent together, after the _intimacy_ they had shared, he knew he was being cruel in wanting Shion to state things that he had come to know by body contact alone. But somehow, even _he_ needed to be reassured, selfishly so, he knew. “I can at least lecture you about it if you want.”

It was Shion’s time to lean back a bit, his frown deepening as his expression turned to one of hurt. It was fascinating to see how steady the emotions were reflected on his face as opposed to when he was younger, when his new found open mind couldn’t transmit his thoughts to his face properly, making him look like an idiot most of the times.

“Are you really taking me for a fool or are you just teasing me?” Shion asked, clearly offended.

“Which one do you think?” Nezumi pressed on, unable to help himself. He had no idea why he was pushing it at all, but it was an almost childish desire to have things go his way, for his ego to be fed. Maybe he had longed for this more than he had thought. “I think both are entertaining.”

“Maybe you just want me to say it,” Shion defied, perceptively. Nezumi dropped his hand and quirked an eyebrow upwards.

“Say what, exactly?”

“You know very well I’ve been waiting for you all this time,” Shion replied, without missing a beat. Gone was the struggle for words Nezumi recalled. “I haven’t been with anyone, or even felt inclined to. I know you are more experienced, but I know all about those birds and bees, and yes, I am old enough to be interested.” Nezumi felt Shion’s hand tightening on the curve of his neck possessively. “It doesn’t mean I would do it with just anyone. I’m glad I did what I did with _you_. That was what I wanted. And whatever else that might follow, it will either be you or it won’t happen at all.”

In spite of himself, Nezumi pressed his lips in a thin line, needing a few seconds to assimilate the words being said to him and to process how they made him feel. It was no news to him – he had known since he had seen Shion again, he hadn’t needed to be with him intimately to figure it out – but it still had a strange impact on him. For a while, he couldn’t really breathe properly and hated himself for it.

Shion was unexpectedly bold, Nezumi considered.

It wasn’t like he didn’t understand flirting or sexual interest. He’d been target of both many times, and while he didn’t exactly sell himself out, he had done a few things to gain favours so he wasn’t exactly a saint.

But never in his life had he truly comprehended what it was on a personal level – romance, love, desire… he understood these things but had never been directly involved with them, or been a holder of such feelings.

Until Shion had happened. Back then as well as right now, all of this, and all the frustrations that had come along with it…

Shion had given it all to him. And he had taken so long to figure it out only to still be just as overwhelmed.

But in the end, he, too, was stronger than before, and he wouldn’t run away, wouldn’t back down or try to pretend that things weren’t the way they were.

Shion had waited for him, only to give himself wholeheartedly. No matter what, he would still wait for Nezumi and only him. Such fidelity was almost sacred, Nezumi thought. Shion was his – had been since the fateful day they had met – and he would never be anyone else’s.

To want reassurance for that seemed…

Nezumi almost sighed at himself.

Well, what they were at this point, exactly, was still a mystery to him. They were drawn to each other irreversibly in a way that obviously crossed the line of simple friendship, and while they had done things that lovers do, they weren’t involved on a romantic level.

Nezumi enjoyed romance in stories and plays, but he figured that they were too farfetched and didn’t suit what he and Shion had.

What they had was…

A _bond_. Understanding. History. Empathy. Longing. Desire. They had saved each other’s lives on many occasions and had shared the best and worst of themselves with each other. They were very different, and yet they matched, somehow, and managed to be balanced when together. That was all Nezumi knew.

They knew each other, and yet didn’t. They liked to tick each other off, and sometimes clashed. Seldom did they agree on something. And yet, they were on same level. There was so much about them that needed to be settled, and yet, everything was still too distorted and confused.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to find out, it was more like… he needed time to get used to it all and see what could come out of it, how he would react to it, what he would want for himself, and consequentially, Shion.

“You really are hopeless,” he sighed. “I should’ve known an airhead like you would be attached to such sentimentalism.”

“Nezumi.” Shion’s hand slowly left Nezumi’s neck and fell to his lap. He also stopped touching Nezumi’s knee, making the man feel empty and distanced all of a sudden. Shion’s eyes dropped, but not in shame or embarrassment. “No matter how you feel about it, I’m fine just having you by my side. I don’t want to be a burden to you. But that’s not going to change the fact that I don’t want to kiss anyone else, or even touch anyone else the way I touch you. I may have changed – we both have – but these were the feelings I had when you left, and they have remained the same until this very day. Nothing will change just because you think they should.”

Well, did Shion actually think that him hypocritically being mindful of Nezumi’s feelings would make him happy? Did he truly believe it, especially knowing that, in a distorted and unusual sort of way, he was corresponded?

“My-my,” Nezumi whistled, smirking slightly at Shion’s defensive and secure words. “Should I take such a confession seriously since now you’re an adult? Somehow I feel like I should take responsibility for making you fall for me.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Shion said, lifting his head up again to stare at him, once more with the same longing and honesty he had seen when they had reunited. “I’d never want you to…”

“Don’t be naïve,” Nezumi interrupted, smacking his arm and rolling his eyes, making Shion bite on his lower lip. “It pisses me off when you act all high and mighty. You’re not that decent, Shion. There isn’t a single human being who loves another selflessly without hoping for something in return, small as it may be.” Nezumi leaned forward and grabbed for Shion’s jaw in a storng but not harmful grip, bringing their faces close. “You give your body to someone else and that’s a big deal. Lust, longing, possessiveness… all shameful things that you can’t live with without wanting to quell them, to ease the agony they inflict upon your very being.”

Nezumi noticed Shion swallowing hard, eyes hungrily searching his. Nezumi resisted the tentation of looking down at Shion’s lips, but he could feel his friend’s pulse speeding up – he knew Shion had always admired his strength and found great pleasure in displays of dominance and power. No-one would guess considering how innocent he looked most of the times, but Nezumi did.

“You’re right,” Shion muttered heatedly, with a nod. “I’m not decent at all.”

Ah, that was more like it.

“What is it that you want to say Shion,” Nezumi insisted, lowering his voice so it was no more but an enticing lure. He felt anxious and it was already enough that one of them was still coming to terms with all of this, and that he still felt restless and confused. “I don’t like beating around the bush, you know that very well.”

They were back together. Shion belonged to No. 6 and Nezumi was back to the West Block. They had shared a bed, clothes, kisses and intense touches like new lovers do, and yet, they hadn’t talked about it at all, even though he knew Shion desperately wanted to. And yet, even with his new found strength, Shion seemed to need Nezumi’s own strength when it came to them.

_I suppose that, in every love story, that’s how it goes, isn’t it?_

Such feelings of passion and yearning could not be endured by just one person alone. He understood this now. He didn’t know what he’d do if he had to deal with what he felt all by himself right now. While traveling, he had been able to relieve his mind by occupying himself, but he knew Shion and how much he clung to the things he held dear, to his dreams, to his hopes.

_It must’ve been hard for you, Shion…_

All of a sudden, Nezumi’s heart was filled with compassion and sadness. He knew he had been the cause for it, but at the time, he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. Even now, there was little he could do but give himself a chance and hope that his own nature wouldn’t come in the way.

“I want you,” Shion said, without a trace of hesitation now. “I want you so much I can barely stand being so close to you. I wanted to see you for so long… You’re all I’ve ever wanted to be close to, all I ever wanted to touch.” His breathing had become slightly elaborate once more. “I’ve longed for you for so long. Even before you left, every day I wanted…”

“Shion…”

“I am nothing but a shadow of myself if you’re not around. And I want you to feel the same way,” Shion proceeded, emphatically. “I do, but if you don’t feel it, and if you’re doing things just for my sake, then it would be meaningless. Because I’m selfish and I want everything from you, Nezumi, I want your everything! It can’t be no other way. I want you to give yourself to me wholeheartedly and…”

“What if I can’t give it to you?” Nezumi cut, more out of surprise at the sudden outburst of honesty than anything else. Also, something inside of him just loved to test the other man, and gods, he had missed it. “What if I don’t feel the same way?”

From the look on Shion’s face, one would’ve said he had been slapped.

“You don’t care for me?”

Nezumi’s hand slid down until it was loosely wrapped around Shion’s neck. Beneath his fingertips, he could feel the heated pulse of Shion’s heart. “People can love other people deeply and not feel the need to be involved in that sort of relationship with them,” Nezumi said, now lowering his hand and hooking a finger on the collar of Shion’s brown sweater and giving it a tug. “That’s called ‘platonic love’, you see. Wasn’t it you who said that not everything is black and white?”

Shion could only blink at him, trying to understand what was being said to him.

“I… I will respect that, if that’s how you feel,” he said, looking a little distraught at the course the conversation was taking. He shook his head from side to side, though, and his expression became resolute once more. “As I said, I just want you close. Just don’t push me away, Nezumi. Don’t leave me alone. Don’t pretend that you don’t know how I feel or act as though I’m frivolous. My feelings were never frivolous, but before I didn’t have the strength to back them up, but now I do. If being with me doesn’t make you happy, then…”

“Do you realize you’re confessing to another man?”

“I don’t care about your gender, I only care about your meaning in to me…”

“Shut up.” Nezumi snapped. Shion closed his mouth so quickly his teeth clanked and took a sharp intake of breath through his nose. Nezumi’s eyes narrowed. “Why do you talk so much? You are still so stupid, Shion.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Argh, don’t apologize,” Nezumi huffed, running a hand through his hair. It upset him that he couldn’t take full control of this conversation and keep his cool, but then again, that always happened with Shion, regardless of the topic. This was no different, just considerably more complicated. “I just… look, I understand what you meant, back then. Not everything needs to be either black or white. Sometimes, it can be grey. Sometimes, there is an in between, a third option. You defended that. Don’t you defend it now, too?”

“Of course I do,” Shion said, with a firm nod.

“Then, what I want to say is… don’t feel the need to ask something out of me,” Nezumi muttered, with a slight frown that he knew to also be a little apologetic because he genuinely did feel that way. “Don’t ask me to label us, or to tell you how I feel about any of this, Shion. You don’t openly say it, but I know you want to know because that’s who you are and this is something you’ve been wanting for a long time.”

Shion’s cheeks were once more painted in red, but he didn’t look away from Nezumi, very focused on his words, his expression resolute.

It wasn’t like Nezumi felt embarrassed, but he’d lie if he said that this was his kind of thing. He was a master of seduction and of theatrical romance, but real life was very different, and he wasn’t knowledgeable of it on a personal level – he only knew that he had returned for a reason and that said reason had led to certain things and that he needed to find out what they meant. More than anything, he had returned for Shion and because of him. That definitely meant something to him.

In the past, he had half-jokingly flirted with Shion to tease his innocence (and because Shion’s reaction and fascination flattered him even though he wouldn’t admit it), but things weren’t the same now. He hadn’t taken anything seriously back then, and had believed that Shion had been only enamoured with him because he was a novelty and someone that took him out of his comfort zone.

Not that he had under rated the fact that he had changed Shion’s life, but teenagers will be teenagers, and Shion had been very young and far too pure, far too filled with vain ideas and concepts he had known nothing about.

Even though Nezumi had perceived it this way, Shion had grown up, had been through a lot, had done many things and had met a lot of people while they had been apart. His life experience was different from Nezumi’s, but no less important. And still, he had suffered Nezumi’s absence as though a part of his very soul had been ripped off. All because Nezumi himself thought that them being together would make them both weak. It hadn’t been a lie, but it hadn’t been exactly true, either. When you have deep feelings for someone, that person is a weakness, but also an invaluable strength you can’t get anywhere else. For years and years, Nezumi had run away from his heart’s calling, naïvely rejecting something that he couldn’t help, and now he was too tired to fight against it. He understood that there were things he couldn’t control, but he knew that there were a lot of things that he needed to learn, and he was willing to.

When Shion looked at him with his eyes full of hope, adoration and sadness, Nezumi couldn’t help but feel humbled. Even this sort of feeling was something he had to learn how to balance because of Shion.

“I feel far too much,” Nezumi proceeded with a sigh, looking to the side, to the low table, choosing his words carefully as he always did. “Things you would enjoy knowing about, and others that would hurt you. Knowing about them shouldn’t make a difference; it can’t because hope isn’t something I will ever dare to give you. I’m here, I’m doing everything willingly, Shion. That should be enough for you.”

His hands were grabbed in a gentle but strong grip. Those hands were bigger and harder now, but the softness and warmth was still the same.

“You have given me hope many times in the past, and even now, you do so in many ways,” Shion said, in slow whisper. “I already know that you don’t belong here and that we live worlds apart. I don’t want you to be someone you’re not, because it’s who you are that captivates me. I don’t demand a single thing from you, Nezumi. But I feel lonely without you, as if nothing makes sense to me. I just don’t want to be left alone, or for you to be alone. I… every day, it is you who gives me the strength to move. That will never change.”

Nezumi peeked at him from the corner of his eyes in pain. How could someone influential like Shion feel lonely without _him_? Being surrounded by people, being loved, wanted, acclaimed, feared even…

But then again, who was Nezumi to say anything about it? Hadn’t he met thousands of people and not felt the slightest pull towards any of them? Sometimes, even simple conversations bored him to death.

Shions hands tightened on his and his expression softened. “I know what your presence here means.”

Nezumi eyed him directly then. “Then just… be yourself,” he said, leaning in a bit and moving his hands so they were gripping Shion’s back. “And let me be myself, as well. Let me do my thing and you do yours. Let’s just be us, for now, and do what we feel like doing, with all the complicated things from the past as well as the new ones that are part of present. They are ours. Let’s be who we are right now, together and apart. Isn’t that enough?”

At this, Shion smiled softly and looked down at their linked hands as if they were the most endearing, precious sight in the universe.

“It’s more than enough, Nezumi, and more than I even thought I’d ever have,” he replied, not exactly sad, but rather, resignedly. “I want to stay here, with you. But I know you don’t want me to.”

“Your job is in No. 6,” Nezumi reminded him, licking at his own lips and not taking his eyes away from the other man’s thoughtful and sombre face. “It would be stupid if you lived here and had to go back and forth every day.”

“That’s what cars are for, you know,” Shion pointed out, half-jokingly. Nezumi could hear the hope in his voice, and it tore at his heart, but he had meant what he had said, and it was better if they didn’t get overwhelmed by each other just now.

Later, who knew what might happen? Maybe they’d grow tired of each other, even apart. Or maybe they’d long for each other’s constant presence – or rather, Nezumi would – and want to do things differently.

Nezumi, too, wished to have those memories of their past back – coming home and finding Shion, spending hours talking about everything and nothing at the same time, sharing a bed, a meal, taking care of each other…

The past was precious, but it was still a past where they had lacked many things. It all seemed so easy now, so comfortable it almost felt like a dream.

Back then, they hadn’t been able to be together because so many things were unbalanced, but now, things didn’t have to be the same as back then – shouldn’t, really.

At Nezumi’s silence – his obvious response – Shion all but sighed but still didn’t look up. “Can I at least come and spend the weekends with you?”

Smiling softly, pleased by this new, more considerate side of his friend that now understood when to give another person space and not make demands and cry for attention, Nezumi pressed his forehead to Shion’s and nudged their noses together in a rather playful but meaningful way. “I expect you to, obviously.”

At that, Shion seemed to brighten up visibly, his eyes meeting Nezumi’s, but at the intimate proximity they were sharing, it wasn’t like they could see each other very well anyway.

“Nezumi, I have done what you wanted me to, and I’ve become the sort of person you wanted me to become,” Shion began, once more with an unfaltering certainty. “I work for No. 6 because that’s who I am now, and because I made a promise.” He took a moment to think about his words carefully before proceeding. “I don’t want you to label us, or feel like you are shackled to me in any way regardless of what becomes of us in the future. I respect you more than anything or anyone in this world, so whatever you decide I will accept without questioning, no matter how _I_ feel personally. I would rather not have you as a lover than not have you at all. So if you ever feel like you are tired and need to go… just know that my job here is done, and that my only wish at this point, is to be where you are and see the world through your eyes. That’s all I want.”

Nezumi knew this to be true, which was why he had to swallow hard and bite on his lower lip hard. Never had he considered that another person’s longing for him could have such a heavy, powerful effect on him. But it had always been like that with Shion, even in the past – Shion had moved him in ways no-one had before, and he had been scared, intimidated by it even though he’d never admit it. Only now they were older and certain things were definitely clearer.

Nezumi couldn’t help himself as he leaned forward to willingly capture Shion’s mouth in his. Even this sort of automatic response made him annoyed at himself, but he’d have to deal with it just as he’d have to deal with everything relating his relationship with Shion and their life as duo. After all, he had never enjoyed touching people and yet, he had always touched Shion willingly and freely, his body being summoned without his consent or awareness. Shion’s hair, the snake-like scar on his body, his unique, simple scent, those dark eyes that always spoke so many words and always shone in wonder…

That was why Nezumi was back in the first place – to reach out for something steady for himself. Because the world was huge and beckoned him. Because everything was beautiful and a treat to enjoy, to discover, to unveil and to overcome. Because he lived, loved and breathed all of this, he had thought that he needed nothing and no-one. He had wanted so much, had thirsted for so much, and yet, the true pleasure didn’t exist anywhere in particular out there.

He had been wrong; he had needed something, no matter how much he had tried to deny it. And if the only thing that he would ever crave for with all his being was that single individual who worshiped and needed him, had become so much for and _because_ of him, then maybe that, too, was a call from fate itself.

Because his life had been full, but not _complete_. He understood Shion’s feelings now. How well he understood them.

That need to share things with someone special, to show them the same things you’ve seen, to talk to them, to touch them, to look at them and feel reassured that they’re close. To…

To want to think about a possible tomorrow where they are around. To feel so at peace feeling their lips against yours.

These were things Nezumi hadn’t ever thought that he’d come to want, or even need. Just acknowledging them made him feel helpless, and that was something he doubted he would ever get used to.

But he had learned that ‘love’ wasn’t always a weakness, and maybe now he just had to sort out his priorities. It might take a while, though.

But… it would be alright, he hoped that it would. He didn’t want them to part again, and as long as he found peace within himself and allowed Shion to find his own, they’d be alright, no matter how, when or where.

One day, they would probably be able to do the things Shion wanted to, together. The world outside was big and _theirs_. This was just the beginning.

Because fate had brought them together for a reason, and all they had to do was let themselves be carried away by it. Regardless of the outcome, they had met once more, called out by each other’s feelings, and that had to be no coincidence.

The future was now, and it was a new start in a new world created by them alone.

In spite of himself, Nezumi smiled.

“It’s a promise,” he whispered against Shion’s mouth.

He supposed that, in times like these, making vows was the best way to make the would belong to them.

The End


End file.
